What Not to Say

Breaking the ice in a chat room is easier than striking up a conversation in the real world because, if you don't get the reception you're hoping for, you need only post to the next interesting person rather than slink away while people point and laugh at your failure. If you've got a feminine name or use the (f) symbol you'll likely be inundated with posts the second you step into the room. For that reason this entry is aimed primarily at men.

It's simple to tell you what approaches don't work. For pity's sake don't start out asking A/S/L, that's age, sex, location if you didn't know. This is about as effective a come on as walking up to someone in a bar and asking how much is in their bank account or if they're noisy when they fuck. I wouldn't recommend sending an extremely graphic post, picture or video either. Women, in general, are less instantly or visually stimulated than men. If some chick leaps on your dick after you send her a cumshot, experience says that's a guy pretending to be an insanely hot 19 year old. On a side note (I'm giving away one of my secrets here), if you want to weed out men pretending to be women, ask what size pantyhose they wear. Hose sizing is weird, and not many guys will get that answer right. If you want a woman to pay attention to you, don't use a lame line or give her a typed flower. -----{----{-@ The message this conveys is that you're unimaginative and that your conversation and sex is likely to be as uninspiring. Speaking of uninspiring, don't use text speak in a chat room. Why would someone want to spend time with you if you're not even motivated enough to spell out "you" instead of "U"?

What might work? There are two main ways to attract the kind of playmates you're hoping to meet. The first, is with a sort of introductory post. You can prepare these ahead of time and simply cut and paste to post to the room in general, or post privately to individuals. I think these posts work best if you're looking for a specific roleplay scenario. As an example, I'll paraphrase one I've seen used. "You're walking the paths at a public park in the evening and pass the bathrooms. Scrawled on the exterior of the men's room you see the message, 'Gang bang here. Come on in.' Today's date and a time. Probably just some graffiti bullshit, but glancing at your watch you realize that the time painted on the wall is only a few minutes away. You're curious." This is well-written, grammatically correct and to the point. It sets the stage for the fantasy and gives anyone interested a jumping off point for roleplay. For your introductory post you can write as much or as little as you want. My suggestion is that the length of your come on post should be related to how specific your fantasy needs to be to satisfy you. If you're open to anything then saying, "Hello, I'm a creative gentleman hoping for conversation with a woman who appreciates interactive erotica" could be enough to attract the attention of a like-minded woman. If a scene that involves high heels, riding crops and humiliation is the only thing that's going to get you off, spell it out. Whatever kind of post you choose, be descriptive. Throw in some adjectives. Make it interesting. If you post the same scenario to multiple women in the room, be prepared that someone may repost it publicly. Some women will be offended that you're reusing a line or posting them privately without being invited. Fuck 'em. Don't take the bait and be an ass back (even though she may deserve it). A polite and honest answer, that you're looking to meet partners with common interests, excuse the intrusion if you aren't that person, is going to get you much more positive attention than calling her an emasculating bitch.

The next approach is more difficult but possibly more effective. If you're a confident and witty guy, talk. Out loud. In the room. Make conversation. If the room is quiet, toss out a few opening lines about the current sport season or latest celebrity gossip, whatever people are talking about at the water cooler. If conversation is swirling in the room when you enter, listen for a bit then throw your two cents in. If you're not comfortable talking out loud, then you'll have to be more creative. We've already covered no lame lines or stupid flowers so what should you say? You want to stand out but there isn't one thing you can say that's going to work with every woman. Here's what I can tell you in general. Be complimentary without being too effusive. Make an overture without being totally available. And be patient. How would my advice look in practice?

Elegant Arrogance privately whispers to Target of Your Affection: *sends a drink and a note via the bartender... the note reads: It's impossible not to notice your glow in this room. I'm around if you'd like company.*

That leaves the ball in her court. Remember that you're competing for the attention of the smart, sexy women. There are plenty of guys in the rooms but most of them are too available, too aggressive or too stupid. Making your interest known but leaving it up to the woman says you don't need to work that hard. You've got something worth having and if she wants to see it, she'll have to ask. Confidence is extremely attractive.

Keep in mind, gentle reader, some percentage of the women you're trying to attract are already busy talking to someone else. Some are looking for something completely different than you have to offer. Don't be discouraged. Keep posting. Try different approaches and different rooms. Regardless of the direction you take, be polite, use spell checking when possible and respond to everyone that answers. Your efforts will eventually pay off.

Who Are You: Not Just the Theme Song to CSI

Congratulations, you have a name! In theory it's a reflection of how you'd like to be perceived online. Now you have to think about how much you're willing to tell people about yourself. In general it's a good idea to follow the advice we give our kids. Don't tell your last name, where you go to school (or work), your address, phone number or any of the important info like SSN or driver's license number. Most of the people you meet aren't stalkers. Notice I say MOST. There are some disturbed people in cyberland just like in real life and many of them don't broadcast the fact that they are potential stalkers or criminally inclined to divert your mail and sign up for credit cards in your name. I was very surprised to chat with an intelligent gentleman who introduced himself by his first name and told me he's a lawyer. As conversation progressed I found out he teaches law and he mentioned the city he lives in. All fairly general information. Except that I mentioned a law school in the area and he corrected me, naming the school he taught at. With the magic of Google I was looking at a picture of him on the faculty page of that college within 20 seconds. Be aware that a lot of little innocuous seeming details can be put together and identify you. It's not rude to maintain a little mystery or even fib a bit in the name of safety.

Lets talk more about fibbing online -- in my opinion, the morality lies in the intent. Internet chat is creative writing. I don't consider creating a persona different from yourself to interact with others as cheating. Look at the names in the rooms. There are an awful lot of Dr. Somethings, Boss Somebodies, Rich So-and-sos and there's nothing wrong with that. People ask each other, are you really a doctor, an executive, wealthy? Maybe you are and maybe you aren't. But if you're not a doctor and say you are, be prepared to get outted sometimes. If someone in the medical field asks you questions you can't answer, that person isn't going to talk to you again and may even bad-mouth you in the room. Luckily there are plenty more rooms to chat in. Maybe next time you're asked you'll decide to confess that you haven't gone to med school but you'd like to play doctor, or maybe you'll still pretend you Mr. MD and hope your potential lover doesn't know enough to call you out. I've always wanted a closet full of obscenely expensive shoes. I don't consider it immoral to say I'm wearing Manolo Blahniks as I chat.

On the other hand, misrepresenting yourself in order to manipulate someone, for example, saying you're single and leading a lover to believe that you want to build a future together, is bad. Wrong. Reprehensible. In my book the one piece of personal info you don't fuck around with is available-vs-taken. Because it's all fun and games online right up until Jack falls head over heels for Jill. So by all means, talk about your surgery schedule, or your private yacht, or your closet full of Jimmy Choos but don't talk about the pleasures of bachelor life if you're married.

Here, gentle reader, is the part of this blog where I share a personal chat story with you. No, not a transcript this time, but a cautionary tale of of lies and intrigue... Oh fine, it's not exactly the Maltese Falcon. I cross-dress, online only since there could be no mistaking me for a man IRL. Ok, there was that time on Halloween -- I looked so good a gay man came onto me but that required fake facial hair and ace bandages to accomplish. Online however it's a snap. I thought it was all in good fun, innocent creative writing, my partners and I thoroughly enjoying ourselves and no harm done. I never committed the mortal sin of lying about my availability. In fact, I made a point of warning potential lovers that I was a one-night stand kind of guy, emotionally unavailable, devoted to my family, etc. All warnings that seemed to make me especially attractive to women who enjoy a challenge with a man that's stable enough to have a wife. There was, however, one particular woman who was different from my other partners. Who, in fact, made other playmates seem dull to the point that, without being in any way coerced I quit sleeping around. And I enjoyed being a man for her. A lot. A whole lot. I was allowing some of my natural traits that polite society labels as masculine (assertive women are bitches, assertive men are confident) to blossom. Plus, having a dick was fun!

The charade was easy to maintain because I didn't appreciably change the details of my life, and we "dated" for most of a year. But it became distasteful to lie to a person who I saw daily, who was important to me, who I cared about. Eventually I confessed. Bad move. The following advice is straight out of Dear Abby: if you do something that you know is going to hurt your partner, don't ease your own conscience by confessing to them. Just quit doing it. The right thing to do would've been make something up that gave me a good reason to leave the relationship without making her think that 1) she did something wrong or that 2) people are untrustworthy jerks who are all out for their own fun, the rest of the world be damned. I still maintain my mistake was not in the original cross-dressing but in the relationship building under false pretenses. For which I have no excuse. Because it did end up hurting an amazing woman and it was all my fault. She recently showed back up in chat and I made myself available for a little closure, taking my well-deserved lumps. To her credit she was very adult and still nearly irresistible. But please, gentle reader, learn from my mistake. If you're going to pretend to be someone you're not, don't be selfish enough to continue the charade if your partner starts to care about you.

So basically be smart about what you tell people about yourself, and be consistent. Choosing not to discuss certain details is completely reasonable. And if you do adopt a chat persona, don't be an asshole.

A Slut by Any Other Name...

Unlike the real world where your dazzling smile, confident demeanor or designer shoes may contribute to the first impression you make, in chat, it's your name. Can you call yourself by your own name? Sure. But wearing your own name is like wearing jeans and a solid colored tee at a bar -- yeah it's comfortable, but you won't stand out. It's a completely valid choice, but you're going to be fighting an uphill battle to get noticed and strike up conversations. What should you use instead? Think about the impression you'd like to make, the people you hope to meet, and the sex you want to have and you'll be well on your way to an outstanding chat moniker.

Alright, let's assume you're a bright fellow (after all, you're reading this), hoping to meet someone who has a thing for hairy guys. I'm making this up as I go along, alright? Anyway, hairy guys are generally referred to as bears so 'Teddy Bear', 'Bear Naked' (a play on the phrase bare naked, oh or how about 'Bear Naked, Ladies', the comma indicating you're addressing women as your target audience), and Beary Hairy are all things that would probably attract someone who likes furry dudes. Try one out see if you're meeting the people who interest you. Is the name too obvious? Are the people who respond not quite up to the standard you were hoping for? Lets step it up a bit. Ursa Major is a constellation (Latin translation, big bear). You could use that as your name (or part of it -- 'Ursa Majorly Intelligent') and make witty puns about your heavenly body. Someone who asks about your name is starting a conversation, giving you a chance to make an impression. Create a name people can ask about, especially if you can work your interests into the explanation, and you're on your way to virtual bliss.

Lets try another. You want to get down and dirty, have hot and nasty animal sex with the first person who'll feed your fantasy. What fantasy? I already said animal sex, weren't you paying attention? Brainstorm some animal words and phrases, they don't have to be all about sex: doggy style, dog and pony show, fuck like bunnies, one trick pony, dog days, donkey show. Any of these strike your fancy or convey your desires? You don't really want to be obtuse, you want to make your desires obvious so how about 'Donkey Show Whore?' 'K9 Kisser?' 'Puppy Play' -- well this one is likely to attract people whose fetish is playing at being a puppy rather than bestiality, but you get the idea. And speaking of BDSM (the puppy thing is sort of an offshoot) choosing not to capitalize your name is usually indicative of a submissive attitude in chat. So unless that's your kink, you're better off using upper case letters.

You'll also see people indicate their sex in their names with apostrophes around an M or F. This is a reasonable thing to do if you you're calling yourself 'Hot for Teacher' or some other non-sex specific name. But it's just redundant if your name is 'Marlborough Man' or 'Witchy Woman.' If you're using a non-specific name, I say add the gender discriminator. Proudly declare you are a 'Poetic Lover (m)' or a 'Masochistic Masturbator (f).' I like the way this looks particularly if you have an M or F in your name: 'Hot (f)or Teacher' for example. And yes, even with your sex indicated in brackets or in your name itself, there will still be people who will ask. Some people use the personals abbreviations like mwm (married white man) dbf (divorced black female). This is only my personal opinion, but I think that unless the fact that you're married or divorced or only looking for a particular racial pairing is important to your fantasy, you should leave that info out of your name. Case in point, I had a friend who got off on the idea that his wife would find out about his "affairs" so for him, the fact he was married was worth saying in his name. It was actually crucial to the realization of his fantasy.

Having said all this, there is no rule that you have to use the same name all the time. Goodness knows I have a few. If my admirers become too demanding or my mood doesn't fit my name I just use a different one. The drawback of multiple names is that, if you're using them to have a little anonymity, you'll have it. In other words, the people you have connections with already won't recognize you. You'll either have to out yourself to them or start your seduction from scratch. Speaking from experience, if you use multiple names it becomes extremely difficult to remember who you spoke to under what name. If you're going to be crushed that you shared hours of intimate posts with someone who then doesn't seem to remember you, I suggest you keep notes. I'm just sayin'. It's more likely that you were talking to someone under a different name than that you've been forgotten.

Your name is the key to getting exactly the kind of attention you want. If you're hot for a celebrity, calling yourself 'Crazy for Megan Fox(m)' is going get you hooked up with a like-minded lover a lot faster than calling yourself 'Joe S.' Indicating your sex may save you a few questions and possibly some unwanted advances. Regardless of your decision, your name will be the first impression you make. You didn't get to choose the name you were born with but in chat you are literally able to make a name for yourself, so do it!

A Very Quick Word on Avatars

I love 'em. I'll go into more detail about these nifty pictures that accompany your posts in future blogs. For now all I'm going to say is if you get to the point you have an av or two (or twenty--no kidding some chatters collect avatars like Imelda Marcos collected shoes), be very careful what site you choose to host them. Read the terms of service. Because some sites are very specific about not hosting anything that might remotely resemble pornography. I like to think my avs are pretty tame, representing pinups or art photos rather than porn shots, however the kindly folks at Photobucket.com do not agree with me and deleted my entire collection of avatars today. I wish I could say I had no idea that could happen but I did hear about the possibility from other chatters and just hadn't found another site yet. And the loss of Photobucket as my host site would have been little more than an irritation except that their simple editing tools on the site had allowed me to make a whole bunch of avatars that, in another example of my laziness, I hadn't saved anywhere else. So I spent about 5 hours this evening researching new host sites, recreating avatars (in a shiny new Photobucket account), saving the new avs to my computer and finally uploading them to a new host site. If I like the site I'll share the name with you later. But at least I won't have to chat naked. Updated Monday 3/8 I don't like the site. They lied and said they allow linking to outside sites but only a crappy little square cropped thumbnail. Ugh. So I'm still on the lookout. Going to talk to some friends on my site and find out what they used. Probably would've been the easiest way to go in the first place. *sigh*

I'm Not All Talk...

No, in fact I'm all chat. I said I'd get around to divulging my particular kinks so lets get this started right with some lovely bisexual BDSM. My partner in this case is a woman who I first met online nearly a decade ago. She's just fucking amazing, really.

 

EA enters the room

EA: *gets out her toy bag and starts rooting through*

EA: *whistles while she works.

apple butter baby enters the room

EA: *swishes a cane in the air*

EA: *looks up* Hi honey. *beams*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...*feels a chill..and smiles brightly*...

apple butter baby says to EA: ...hello, Ma'am....um..nice cane...

EA says to apple butter baby: You walked in to the room and made my day.

EA says to apple butter baby: You think so? *swishes it again, smiles as it cuts through the air*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...*shivers..eyes following the rattan*..yes'M....i do...

apple butter baby says to EA: saw you in a different room and couldn't get in..i did just as you left...so i look..and looked..and there you were...and it was like Christmas... :)

EA says to apple butter baby: *paws through the rest of the bag* Don't really think I need anything else right now. *smiling warmly*

EA says to apple butter baby: If I'm Christmas, you're my birthday. *touching your face*

EA says to apple butter baby: Do you want me to beat you out here or in there. *gesturing to the curtain*

EA says to apple butter baby: *tapping the cane against the side of my calf absently*

apple butter baby says to EA: feels a ball of ice in my belly...and wetness seeping*...um...wherever it pleases You...Ma'am....

apple butter baby says to EA: come get your present...open the box and tear the ribbon...

EA says to apple butter baby: Here it is! *hands on my hips...patient look on my face*

EA says to apple butter baby: *claps sharply, smiling wider when you jump* Can't beat you with your clothes on.

apple butter baby says to EA: ..*whimpers and blushes deep red*..yes'M...

apple butter baby says to EA: ...*fingers move to buttons of blouse..and undo them..shaking a bit*...

apple butter baby says to EA: ..blouse slips from small shoulders to the floor..and jeans are unfastened...pulled down..stepped from*....

EA says to apple butter baby: My mouth is watering. I am wet with the prospect of having you.

EA says to apple butter baby: *takes a slow deep breath, nostrils flaring* My my. *eyes raking down your body, your beautiful pale skin*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...hands reach back and unfasten bra...i shrug in forward and to the floor...reevaling small breasts and dark nipples..already hard*...

apple butter baby says to EA: ..*soft kiss*..stretch me...satisfy your need....i want you....to mark me..to kiss me..to penetrate and use me...i want it all...

EA says to apple butter baby: *closing the small distance between us, pulling my left glove off so I can feel your skin against mine...brushing my fingertips over the firm nub of your nipple, my eyes on yours the whole time*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..a purr as you touch me...and a whimper as nipple is played with..fingers slip into waistband of white cotton panties and slip the down..revealing soft, bare skin..newly waxed....and the pinkness of swollen lips*...

EA says to apple butter baby: *gloved hand behind your neck, pulling your face to mine...stepping back to watch your panties go* Nice.

EA says to apple butter baby: Mmm, whether to spank or cane first.... Hmmmmm....

EA says to apple butter baby: I think I'll warm you up with my hand. *guiding you by the neck to accompany me as I sit on the edge of a chair*

EA says to apple butter baby: *pulling you across my lap, your head to my left*

apple butter baby says to EA: ....*skin blushes at your words....i try to be shameless..i try...but i always blush when you compliment my body..i stumble as you pull me to the chair...tub me over your lap...dark curls falling over my face*..*...

EA says to apple butter baby: *resting my bare hand on your back, stroking your skin, petting your lovely unmarked ass*

apple butter baby says to EA: my fingers are too excited...I'm the typo queen..*sigh*...you just make me crazy...

EA says to apple butter baby: Shame you can't see my smile. *pats your ass with the gloved hand*

EA says to apple butter baby: Don't worry about the typing, love. Worry about the writhing. I'll count typos as compliments. *grins and smacks your ass lightly*

EA says to apple butter baby: *pops one cheek then the other*

EA says to apple butter baby: *smacking then soothing, smacking then soothing*

EA says to apple butter baby: *really just love pats, bouncing from cheek to cheek, just the palest blush beginning to rise on your skin*

EA says to apple butter baby: *humming to keep a beat, a little harder now, my hand a steady metronome, slapping side to side*

apple butter baby says to EA: purring as your hand strokes my flesh...lifting to it....a grunt as your palm slaps...a breath...and your hand finds the other cheek...gently slapping..waking skin...and i melt..legs partiung...honey dribbling from my sex as tiny cheeks bounce....

EA says to apple butter baby: Yum. *smelling your arousal* -smack- *firmer, leaving my hand pressed deep after the slap*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...as hand slaps harder...as flesh begins to heat...back arches slightly...legs extending...loving the feel....the sound..the heat and sting...

apple butter baby says to EA: ..i press back against your hand...utterly content...loving your lap...as you well know...

EA says to apple butter baby: *working side to side, keeping the symmetry, ass and upper thighs*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...heat begins to mount...as hand moves..lands..building sting...i breathe deep..concentrate...as you cover me in stinging kisses...

EA says to apple butter baby: -SMACK- *that one rings out in the room, and so does the next and the next and the next*

EA says to apple butter baby: *you feel me swing now before I even connect*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...owww...*the harder slap surprises...and i tense as a second lands..SLAP...and a third...SLAP..i feel your arm swing and close my eyes*...

EA says to apple butter baby: Mmm, gorgeous. *smoothing my hand, burning even through the glove across your much hotter flesh*

EA says to apple butter baby: -SMACK SMACK- *pulling back to swing again and laughing as your body tenses*

EA says to apple butter baby: *pulling that second glove off, pinching your bare lips between your thighs*

EA says to apple butter baby: *licking my fingertips, damp and fragrant*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..little noises will the room as you smack...turning to a purr as fingers pinch lips..cunt rising to you...my head swimming....my body so alive...

EA says to apple butter baby: God you're amazing. *smiling so wide*

EA says to apple butter baby: *pinching your lips, feeling your clit between, tugging and rolling it without ever touching it directly*

EA says to apple butter baby: *hitting your ass hard again, and again, rocking your body on my lap*

EA says to apple butter baby: *sharp slaps ringing out in the room, my hand stinging badly but not stopping*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...*a grin and head lowers...teeth tease your thigh..biting softly..a gasp as your fingers touch again...and tease..making hips lift...thighs widen*....ahhhhhhhh...*a howl as hand slaps again...little cheeks blazing as you pepper them*...ow ow ow ow owww...

EA says to apple butter baby: *my smile fierce, laughing aloud, joyful as you kick and complain*

EA says to apple butter baby: *stopping my hand poised in midair*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...feet begin to scissor...as flesh gets scorched...as bottom turns bright red...cheeks aflame*..ow...owwwie...Ma'am..ow...OWW...*the first small tear gathers in the corner of an eye*...

EA says to apple butter baby: Ah ah! No crying yet!

EA says to apple butter baby: *wicked giggles* More fun to be had!

EA says to apple butter baby: *dragging my nails across the bright skin of your butt, blowing across the buring skin, admiring a hand print here and there*

apple butter baby says to EA: i slump on your lap...a mess of tangled curls and red flesh...thighs wide...lips teasing your leg*...mmm..yes'M..no crying yet...

apple butter baby says to EA: i'm..um..kinda drippy...

EA says to apple butter baby: *slowly stroking your back, loving the feel of your humid breath on my thigh*

EA says to apple butter baby: *drawing two fingers between your thighs, along your slick lips*

EA says to apple butter baby: You are. *smiling*

EA says to apple butter baby: My drippy honey butter baby.

EA says to apple butter baby: *scissoring my fingers between your lips, pressing them inside you*

apple butter baby says to EA: oooooooooooooooooooooohhh....*eyes close as you touch me...play along slickness..make belly tighten and juices drip*...

EA says to apple butter baby: *twisting my hand and so my fingers, pressing deeply once, twice before I pull them ou*

EA says to apple butter baby: t

apple butter baby says to EA: ..soft walls close tight on your fingers...try to hold them inside me...and i whimper as they slip out.....

EA says to apple butter baby: Mmm, jeezus baby... *my throat tight, breath short*

apple butter baby says to EA: i like you inside me...

EA says to apple butter baby: Me too. But I really want to cane you.

EA says to apple butter baby: *pats your ass gently* Up, baby. *helping you, steadying you as you stand*

EA says to apple butter baby: *licking my fingers one by one, pulling them from between my lips with a loud pop*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..a sigh as i hear your words..and i slip from your lap..a hand gently rubs already sore bottom*..yes'M...

apple butter baby says to EA: grinning as i watch you..

EA says to apple butter baby: Awwww. *laughing softly* Was that a sad sigh, honey? *mock pout*

EA says to apple butter baby: Is standing or kneeling better for you? *eying the available furniture*

EA says to apple butter baby: *picking my my cane, running my fingers along the smooth rattan as I look*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..*considers*...bending over a desk?...

EA says to apple butter baby: *broad grin* I like it!

EA says to apple butter baby: And conveniently, here's a desk now! *grinning still, arm around you as I walk you over...tosses a pillow on the top for you to lean on*

EA says to apple butter baby: *snags a cold bottled water, popping the top and offering you a drink first*

apple butter baby says to EA: .....shakes my head no at the water..but steals a kiss on your cheek before i walk to the desk...and lean forward..arms reaching out as far as possible..palms flat....legs open wide...making me rise to toes...tender flesh of ass and thighs exposed for you*...

EA says to apple butter baby: Fuck you look good! *taking my drink before splashing some onto my palm and rubbing it across your ass*

EA says to apple butter baby: *standing to one side, resting my left hand on your back, controlling the cane with my right* Red yellow green safe words, love.

EA says to apple butter baby: *begins tap tapping the cane lightly across your butt and upper thighs*

EA says to apple butter baby: *watching your body, the tension in your legs, the flex of your toes...taptaptapping*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..i nod at your words...close eyes..and bite my lip....feel the first taps as goosebumps erupt*...

EA says to apple butter baby: *swings a bit harder, landing the cane across the juncture of ass and thighs* Mmmm.

apple butter baby says to EA: ..even as i feel the first small stings...i drip...the first stroke bring a small whimper..as does the second..and third...

EA says to apple butter baby: *again, smiling when you jump a bit* Tsk, I'm not even leaving stripes yet. *grins*

EA says to apple butter baby: *swings again, the whistle of the cane through the air a preamble to the furious sting when it lands squarely across your cheeks*

EA says to apple butter baby: That will leave a mark.

EA says to apple butter baby: *crosses that stripe with a second landing firmly on the fullness of your little ass*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..i hear the sound..and then feel it...a line of flame....i bite my lip..not ready to give you the satisfaction of a howl...not on the first stroke...

EA says to apple butter baby: *listening to you, hearing you choke off the sound and grinning*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...the tears come quickly..surprising me....and i bite my lip hard enough to taste blood..fingertips trying to dig into the surface of the desk....

EA says to apple butter baby: *stroking your back tenderly, a rhythm to help you catch your breath* So quiet. Maybe I'm weak. *swings again, landing the cane on your upper thighs, keeping it pressed there until I saw it away*

EA says to apple butter baby: *squatting on my heels to look* S'beautiful. You're beautiful.

apple butter baby says to EA: ...i hear the noise..but don't realize it has been torn from me..a ragged sound..of pain and grief...as you mark me deeply...the red welt immediately rising...skin on fire...

EA says to apple butter baby: *closing my eyes, letting your moan fill me, rush through me like a desert wind*

EA says to apple butter baby: *my own breath ragged when I lean to whisper* How many more, love?

EA says to apple butter baby: And don't forget, the last one is always the hardest.

EA says to apple butter baby: *caressing your back, stroking your hair*

EA says to apple butter baby: *peeling my tee overhead while I wait*

apple butter baby says to EA: i shake...and begin to cry..softly...composure starting to leave me...facade cracking...but your voice...in my ear..the voice i love above all others...and i choke back the pain..the tears...breathe deep*...as many as you wish..as many as you want...I'd bear anything for you...anything....

EA says to apple butter baby: *keeping my hand splayed on your back while I dig something out of my bag and toss it onto the bed*

EA says to apple butter baby: I feel merciful and I'm impatient to have you. Five it is.

EA says to apple butter baby: *the first landing immediately, worse than those before*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...five...the number echoes in my head...and i lower my head to the desktop...breathe deep...the first stroke brings a loud wail....

EA says to apple butter baby: Oh yes, angel! *the second falls higher, raising an immediate welt*

apple butter baby: a howl...high and ragged..explodes from me...

EA: *licking my lip, my hand anchoring you to the desk*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...i shiver...unable to be still...all control slipping from me....feeling you press me down....

EA: *number 3 is just below that*

KingDom enters the room

EA: Hmm, that one wasn't too bad. Have to make up for that one with these last two*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..tears...at your words..and i nod...

EA: FOUR! *swings the cane hard, this blow cross the previous one on top of your thigh*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..finally a scream..high-pitched and keening...followed by deep, choking sobs....my body on fire...

EA: Ooohhhoohooo. *chuckling* That one smarted didn't it?

says to EA: ...i hear your words...and close my lips...teeth all but biting through them....

EA: *stroking your back. long pets, from your shoulders to just above your marks*

says to EA: ..i shudder under your touch...almost broken..for the very first time...

EA: Always my stubborn girl. *smiling, eyes shining as I watch you master your pain... whispering* Ready?

says to EA: ..teary eyes move to yours..nostrils flare..and i nod...

EA: And what is the last one like? Remember?

EA: *swiping a thumb across your cheek, licking the tear from my thumb*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..lips barely move*..hardest....

EA: Yes, baby.

apple butter baby says to EA: and after?...

EA: *letting my hand slide off your back as I move to stand beside you* After I'll kiss you and make it all better. *swishing the cane loudly through the air*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...eyes close...hands becomes fists as i hear the rattan swish...jaws tighten*...

EA PRIVATELY says to KingDom: *meets your eyes over her back and smiles*

EA says to apple butter baby: Breath, love.

EA says to apple butter baby: *drawing a fingertip along your spine*

EA says to apple butter baby: *watching until your hands relax* On the count of three. One....

apple butter baby says to EA: ..breathing deep....

EA says to apple butter baby: *brings the cane down sharply, laying the final line across two previous, pressing it hard into your sweet ass*

KingDom PRIVATELY says to EA: *smiling back* don't let me interrupt such a master at work

EA PRIVATELY says to KingDom: That's mistress. *winks*

KingDom PRIVATELY says to EA: Master in the sense of the craft...not the gender.

apple butter baby says to EA: ..my scream echoes through the room..loud and sharp..the sound of a woman caned....of a woman broken by her Lover...

EA says to apple butter baby: *tosses the cane aside where it clatters on the floor, gathering you in my arm, yours around my neck, face buried there*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...the tears flow...i cannot stop them...i feel you lift me and i press to you..face buried in your neck..as i cry in pain..and in gratitude....

EA says to apple butter baby: *supporting you against me as I sit on the edge of the desk, you standing, swaying between my thighs*

EA says to apple butter baby: Angel mine. *kissing your face, your salty tears sweet as honey on my lips*

EA says to apple butter baby: *drinking your sobs, kissing you deeply as you cry*

apple butter baby says to EA: ..i lean against you...nuzzling even as i cry...cosetted by your arms...loving the feel of your lips on me....your arms around me...

apple butter baby says to EA: ...as you kiss...hug..touch..the sobs slow...and i melt against you...

EA says to apple butter baby: *cupping your face in my hand, the other still supporting you against me*

EA says to apple butter baby: I liked a respectful audience for this. The rest is just for us. *drawing the curtain around us*

EA PRIVATELY says to KingDom: *bows and withdraws*

apple butter baby says to EA: ...*grinning through my tears*..yes'M...

EA says to apple butter baby: *half carrying you to the bed, glad to see your smile again*

apple butter baby says to KingDom: ..*waves bye as i get pulled into the darkness*...

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: i always smile for you...*lips touch softly*...you make me crazy...

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *laughing* God you're cute. Hot. Amazing. Sensual and sexual and mouth-wateringly good!

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: Get up on that bed!

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: yeppers...*g*..i'm only like that for you, though...

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *unzipping my boots and shucking my jeans in record time*

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: climbs onot the bed..wincing*..fuck that hurts...

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: Then I'm awfully lucky. *chuckling when you wince* Good you can thank me for it.

EA says to apple butter baby: *leaning to look* Ooh, nice bruises already!

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: ..i'll thank you...*g*...after...

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *commando under my denim, stepping into my harness, shining black dildo dangling from the strap*

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *points* Too big?

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: oooooooooooooooooohhh....

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *reaching back to unhook my bra and letting it slide off my shoulders to land somewhere*

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: ..i roll onto my hands and knees..part thighs...and lift*...only one way to tell, Ma'am...

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *clapping, positively delighted as I crawl up behind you*

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: eyes close..thighs widen more...offering soft pinkness...

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *squeezing lube onto my palm and slathering it over the 8" cock*

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: purrring*..i love when you fuck me..deep and hard...

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *thumbs on your inner thighs, leaning forward to slide my tongue between those lips first*

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: I'll get there.

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: You in a hurry?

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *grins* Gotta be somewhere because I can put a rush on it.

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: toes curl as your tongue touches sex.*..oh fuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *stroking my tongue along your slit all the way to your brown star, circling then returning to the sweet thickness of your juice*

apple butter baby PRIVATELY says to EA: feet drum on bed as you play..the sensations making my belly flip....need rising to the surface of my skin...

Cover You In (M)y Cum enters the room

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: Mm, bad angle for my neck. Turn over.

EA PRIVATELY says to apple butter baby: *licking my lips*

Cover You In (M)y Cum: Well, that was sexy.....

EA: Tip jar. *points*

EA: Aw fuck.

EA: *waits for her to get back*

Cover You In (M)y Cum smiles invitingly at EA: *places a $20 in the jar*

EA: Thank you. I'll buy her a drink later. *grins*

Cover You In (M)y Cum smiles invitingly at EA: love your boots, very nice

EA: Thank you.

Ain't that a bitch! Disappearing lovers is one of the bigger drawbacks of chat. We caught up in email later but still, mmmm, all dressed up and no where to go!

How Cybersex Saved My Life

Oh fine, that's an exaggeration. Cybersex hasn't actually saved my life, not yet at least, but it sure as hell has added spice. In real life (IRL for those of you learning chat language), I'm a good girl, a wife, a mother, a professional woman. Online I'm a cyber siren, damn near irresistible. Mind you, I'm no Bar Refaeli, and wasn't even when I was her age (I'm 44 now), but I'm not unattractive. My allure is all about the scrolling text, baby. A well-turned phrase in a chat room is the equivalent of flashing some cleavage in a bar. A sensual sentence is as hot as a bare, tanned thigh. Having had big tits since high school, can you blame me for reveling in being wanted for my mind? But there are so many more reasons that I'm a chat addict: the pleasure of the prose, the opportunity to connect to other intelligent men and women, and the freedom. Yes, gentle reader, freedom. Sure there are some polite conventions maintained in chat rooms, but by and large there's a lot less bullshit. You can totally ignore the idiots and cocktail party chatter, even squelch those posts so you don't see them on your screen. The only place I can imagine it would be easier to cut to the chase would be a gay bath house in the 70's. And topics? If you have baby making fantasies, there's a room for that. Insertible vegetables? Name yourself "Eggplant Penetration" and you'll find a partner! Ah, by the way, neither of those is my cup of tea but we'll get around to my particulars in good time. So if you want the freedom to explore your deepest, darkest, most forbidden fantasies, chat is the place. My personal feeling is that chat has saved more than one marriage by allowing men and women to safely fulfill themselves without actually straying. And I suppose too that more than one marriage has failed when someone met her soul mate in a chat room, that mate being someone other than her spouse. Or failed because once a man discovers a long denied urge, finds that he can no longer repress that part of himself. However, in moderation and with the foreknowledge with which I intend to arm you, you can avoid these pitfalls... Unless of course you're hoping to meet your soul mate in which case I'll give you the tools to begin the systematic winning of his or her heart and mind. In closing this, my first blog entry, I'd like to leave you with these words of wisdom. If you want to impress a potential partner, talk about INTERACTIVE EROTICA rather than cybersex. There's no difference but it sounds hotter. That's my original phrase, by the way, and I hope to see it spread on the net like clap in a small, co-ed dorm.